Politically Inco ...

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PI – not incorrect but inconsistent.

I’ve tried to start five or six of my regular pieces over the last few weeks. I’ve abandoned them all.

I’ve realised that in Britain in 2018 it’s pretty dangerous out there. I’m not talking about knife crime. I’m not talking about dangerous driving. I’m not talking about terrorism.

I’m talking about opening your mouth. Having an opinion and still wanting your job.

The only permissible phrase to emit from any sort of person in any sort of position of responsibility starts with ‘we want to apologise unreservedly to …’.

My problem is that I represent people with disabilities (not disabled people), people with VI (not blind people), people with social mobility issues (not poor or unemployed people), prisoners with mental needs (not psychotics), and on and on.

And my further problem is that I’m trying to be helpful, fair minded and caring but I’m not the product of a training manual. I’m a person and as such I’m inconsistent and if I open my mouth I’ll definitely fall foul of some action group or other.

Example: I would have liked to have told you that I am a passionate European - but the fact is I disagree with every single Lib Dem agenda … or do I?
Example: I don’t think identity cards diminish my civil liberties one iotabut I don’t like stop and search. I don’t see why my DNA and your DNA shouldn’t be on a database to help catch criminals but I’m terrified of being on a list of disabled people in case another group of Nazis take over and decide to round us all up!

So half of me is liberal and half of me is completely anti-civil liberty politically correct twaddle.

Example: I don’t see any problem whatever with ridiculing religion and the idea that killing someone for drawing a cartoon of god is preposterous. Telling me or anyone we aren’t allowed to poke fun at people in silly clothes is deeply unsatisfactory but I absolutely despise the self-serving, lying, conniving, boorish, privileged twat that is Boris Johnson and his routine thoughtless insulting of perfectly good people going about their business.

Example: I am not allowed to speak out if I despise Israel’s demeanour towards Palestine - apparently that makes me anti-semitic.

Muddling the two together is the cynical work of anti-socialist plotters using political correctness to back us all into a corner.

I am a socialist who believes in big government and state intervention. It’s no coincidence that the countries who fared best in the recession are those with the most state control of banks – yes you heard it folks.

The Tories would never have jumped in on Northern Rock. They haven’t jumped in on Oxfam or Save The Children. They’ve just hurled insults at them and saved lots of treasury money by withdrawing funding, without a single thought for the millions of people around the world who rely on them.

Gordon Brown would have kicked out the entire leadership and taken them over, rooted out all the shit and then handed them back. While making sure the people who rely on them aren’t let down.

Now we just get apologies after apologies and no action.

…but I’m not allowed to say any of this because … why exactly?

If I were to say – and of course I’m not saying because I’m not allowed to because I might lose my job – that as someone with a disability I find Manchester Students Union banning clapping as it’s not fair on deaf people utterly preposterous, laughable, almost completely fantastical and I would show this sentence to any friend, however well they can or can’t hear. So I’m blind ... football costs a fortune. I’m not going to continue paying premiership prices to go to a Spurs game to NOT see fifty thousand people doing jazz hands. what nonsense ... tough shit my hard of hearing friends.

I’m blind. I talk too loudly in restaurants and get told off. I appear to stare at people and get told off. I knock things off shelves in stores and get told off. I hurt myself when I fall or bump into lamp posts or trip on the kerb.

I don’t know what people are laughing at.

So I’m going up to Manchester and I’m going to ask the students union to help me in my mission to ban concrete, street lighting, humour, cinema, sighted diners in public places, all display shelving in shops, all shop and restaurant awnings, all printed material anywhere, cyclists (I can’t hear them coming – actually no that’s all right but they must have a continuous klaxon strapped to their back), – it’s all deeply unfair on me … oh, did I mention humour?

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