Dear Reader ...

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… or should I say ‘Hi Reader’ or better still ‘Hey Reader’?

I hope this blog finds you very well and that you’ve had a fantastic January and a great week!!!!!!

Where in all that’s intrusion did this come from? It crept in over the past two years out of absolutely nowhere but is now so ubiquitous (I’ll get a coffee while you look that up and prepare for your amazing Saturday) that it makes Corona virus look like a gaunt, haunted war fugitive hiding out in the bordellos of Buenos Airies.

It first appeared in my life, out of the blue, in a note from a seventeen year old apprentice who’d spoken to me for five minutes at an industry event. She had the chutzpah to approach me cold and said ‘hey (yep hey not hi – what’s that about? I didn’t just try to run off with your purse) who are you? I’m Jo-anne.’

So I took her follow up as specific to a charming, bright but rather over-familiar teenager. It began ‘Hey Rob, hope you are having a brilliant day …’

None of that ‘Dear Mr Millar, it was such a pleasure / honour / privilege to meet you at the All Party Studio Wiring Conference last week …’.

Ok Dear Reader, hoping everything has been wonderful since you started reading this.

Now, every letter, note, text, whatever the intent it carries, from lawyers to council tax enforcers to doctor’s secretaries, whether I’ve ever had any contact with them whatever, has to start and end eulogising the world, my place in it and sincere hopes for my current and future marvellous earthly experiences.

From …

“Hey Robin

Hope this email finds you very well and you are having a great week.

I’m writing to let you know that you will be given a VIP dinner in your honour, a free holiday in Bali and a cheque for £50,000, together with a Star on the Stoke-on-Trent walk of fame.

Have a terrific rest of your day.

Dee”

To

“Hey Robin

Hope this email finds you very well and you are having a great week.

I’m writing to let you know that you will be prosecuted for breach of the peace, offensive behaviour, theft, three public order offences and treason. Officers are surrounding your building and have been authorised to use deadly force if you do not walk outside naked, with your hands clearly visible and immediately lie prone on the pavement. You have ten minutes.

Have a terrific rest of your day.

Dee”

What am I missing here?

Let’s get this clear: I like people. I wish them well. As an admirer and sometime adherent to the ideas of Deepak Chopra, I follow his principles set out in The Seven Spiritual Laws of success “with each person you meet, when they leave and their back is upon you, wish them a good rest of their life.’

I have done this, almost without fail, to friend, acquaintances and stranger alike. But it is silent, sincere and a positive vibe. I don’t haul them back as they are half way down the corridor ‘Hey Chas! Have a fantastic rest of your life!!!!!’ or follow it up with an email exhorting them to do the same.

Maybe I should. I once suggested to a creative writing class that they use no more than five exclamation marks per 10,000 words … but that’s a whole other blog.

Hope you found this blog perfect [another over-used hyperbole – nothing is bloody perfect] and have an unforgettable rest of your Saturday.

Rob / El Robino / Robsky / Redrob / Robbie / mate / Millsy if I’m a cricketer etc etc.

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